


Bring 'em Down

by Leef



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Biker AU, M/M, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Violence, carl and negan becoming bffs, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-13 01:17:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13559586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leef/pseuds/Leef
Summary: Carl has a fling for dangerous situations and ends up in a shady biker bar where he meets Negan who - in turn - develops quite an interest in the college kid.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I have always wanted to write this. Back then, when I first watched the music video to Lady Gaga's "Judas"? It caused me and my lady to develop a whole story with Beth and Daryl, but that's a different one. Yesterday the idea hit me again when I thought back of that scene from "Sons of Anarchy" where that one douchebag makes his girlfriend taking photos of him on Jax' bike. And then this happened. Haha. Enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You really think it’s a good idea to go into a shady bar with a shady guy like me for some drink?”
> 
> “I know an asshole when I see one. Maybe you are one, but definitely not towards me.”
> 
> “That’s true, kid. I’m Negan and I will definitely not be an asshole towards you.”

Carl always lingered around this shady bar he knew he wasn’t supposed to be. Well, actually he was over 21, so he _could_ be there. But it was this kind of place his dad had always warned him about. But then again, his dad had warned him about so many things. He was the typically overprotective dad and Carl had never _really_ listened to him. He had always been good at faking it. Always acting like the dutiful son but mostly he was neck deep in some shitty situation he wouldn’t have been if he had only listened. But what could he say? He liked it a bit dangerous.

When he had moved to another city for college, he had started to pass by this biker bar. He had no clue about bikes, but he loved the dangerous vibes that place gave off. The douchebag of boyfriend he not-so-proudly called his, had always found it ridiculous and had made fun of bikers whenever he got the chance, and Carl had never really said anything to stop him from it. He didn’t really like him, but he was a good fuck at least. So he somehow stuck around as long as he thought he got something out of it.

It was one of those days they were passing by that bar, when that idiot wanted Carl to take a photo of him while posing next to a bike. Carl had no clue why, because Ron never missed an opportunity to tell him just how stupid those were and that his sport’s car was so much better and cooler, but Carl had just shrugged and agreed. He didn’t think it was much of a big deal and he was happiest when he didn’t have to discuss with Ron. Their discussions were never nice and even though Ron was definitely inferior when it came to arguments, he also tended to not get that. So it was somehow pointless to discuss anything with him. Especially since Ron loved to hit him whenever he seemed to get that he was going to lose a fight. Carl would never let him really hurt him, but most of the time he simply didn’t care enough. A split lip he could take. And Ron had never managed to cause him much worse than that.

The remains of his last outburst were still visible in Carl’s face when he was snapping a photo of his boyfriend. He wanted to hand him the phone back after taking the wanted photo, when Ron waved him off.

“Take another one.”

Carl didn’t like the fact that Ron was beginning to climb on that Harley he had posed with, but he also didn’t really tell him how stupid it was. Ron wouldn’t have listened anyway. He snapped another photo and hoped he would be satisfied now.

“C’mon, let’s get going,” he told him and offered the phone once more. Of course Ron wasn’t listening but striking another stupid pose on the bike. A real stupid pose and Carl was just shaking his head at that and sighed deeply.

“Just one more.”

It was that moment when Carl felt someone standing behind him because suddenly the hot sun shining down on the back of his head was gone but there was rather some cool shade. Before he could turn around, a tattooed hand took the phone from him. Carl remained silent, but Ron seemed confused, though far from being afraid. A stupid thing, Carl thought, but he didn’t say or did a thing. For him it was pretty obvious who this guy most likely was and that they should get the hell out of here as soon as they could.

“Lemme take that one,” the man said with a wide smile and Carl knew immediately that that smile was faked and not a sign of friendliness but something much darker and more dangerous. Only Ron - that idiot - didn’t seem to get it but grinned and posed once more. The stranger took another photo and Ron finally climbed form the bike to take his phone back, when the stranger threw it on the ground and stepped on it, causing it to break beyond help.

“Hey!” was all Ron got out before a tattooed fist connected with his face. Carl was watching and couldn’t keep himself from grinning because if anything, Ron had deserved that. Normally his family’s name protected him from any assaults on campus, no matter how much of a dick he was, but this was another world and Ron was just too stupid to see danger when it was standing right in front of him. Carl, on the other hand, knew when some dangerous animal approached him and somehow, he had always known how to react to avoid direct trouble until this day. Apart from Ron, maybe, but that was a completely different story.

“One doesn’t touch another’s bike.”

The man’s voice was deep but calm and Ron looked at him in disbelieve, holding his bleeding nose. He really didn’t know when to keep quiet and attempted to say something – Carl guessed it was supposed to be some sort of swear or insult – when the man hit him again. Seeing Ron bleed was incredibly satisfying for Carl. He had thought about doing it himself a few times but every time he had decided it wasn’t worth the trouble.

“You better fuck off, prick.”

Ron seemed to think about that for a moment, but he backed off, bringing more than an armlength between him and the leather-clad man. Carl was almost a bit sad at that. He would have loved to see him getting beaten up some more but there was nothing he could do but keeping quiet and watching. Maybe Ron would be stupid enough to try something once thinking he was far enough away to no risk another punch.

“Let’s go home,” Ron mumbled under his bloody hand that was still trying to stop the bleeding of his nose and Carl looked at him, then back to the man that was now seated on his Harley, checking on it. It looked so innocent how gentle he touched it. Carl immediately liked that sight.

“I said let’s get home,” Ron told him in a demanding voice and the man on the bike eyed them upon hearing the beaten teen raising his voice. He was wearing sunglasses, but Carl knew he was eying him, probably his split lip and the last hints of a black eye because he rose again and walked over to Ron and him. It was such a sweet thing to see Ron flinch and step away from him a little more when the tall man came to a halt in front of Carl. Carl didn’t move away, not really seeing the need to. After all, he hadn’t been the one violating other people’s belongings.

“That loser did that?” he asked and pushed the sunglasses up to have a better look at Carl’s face. He wasn’t quite sure what to answer because he thought it was rather obvious that he had done it. But maybe it wasn’t, so he nodded.

“Yeah, couldn’t win the argument we had ‘cause he’s too dumb to use facts to discuss stuff.”

Carl could basically feel Ron’s glare, but he didn’t care. He had never made a secret out of what he thought Ron was capable of and what not. Actually, one time that had earned him a bruised rib when he had told him just how ignorant and stupid he really was.

“You better back off, asshat.” Carl didn’t have to turn around to see that Ron was backing off like the man had told him to. Ron was a coward when he didn’t have a clear advantage like he always thought he had towards Carl. And it didn’t surprise him to hear a tsk-sound and footsteps walking away.

“Lemme see that.”

The man waited for any protest from Carl’s side but there was none coming so he leaned down and gently brushed the bruised skin. It hurt when he put pressure on it, but Carl didn’t complain. He was used to worse stuff and so this was almost nothing. Also, the bruises were already healing and a few days old.

“You’re friends? Kid, I don’t have to tell you not to befriend people hitting you, right?”

“Actually, he’s my boyfriend.”

Maybe it wasn’t wise outing oneself towards some shady biker, but again, Carl just didn’t care enough. He was interested to see how the man would react. Though he wasn’t sure if he liked the reaction that consisted of a deep laugh and a shaking head.

“That’s even worse. C’mon, lemme buy you a drink so you can forget that jerk-off. _No one_ should treat a beauty like you that way.”

That last part made him warm in a foreign way and even though he was sure the man was joking, he liked that kind of sweetness towards him. It was also something Ron had never really displayed. Maybe in the beginning but it certainly hadn’t lasted long.

Carl shrugged but agreed and it seemed like his reaction was not the one the man had anticipated because he received another laugh, this time even louder. Carl decided he liked that laugh, laughing in general. Ron seldom laughed and if he did it was a nasty laugh and not a charming one like this here.

“You really think it’s a good idea to go into a shady bar with a shady guy like me for some drink?”

Carl eyed him but shrugged again. He didn’t feel like he was in danger, and maybe that was stupid, but what should he say? After all, he liked it a bit dangerous.

“I know an asshole when I see one. Maybe you are one, but definitely not towards me.”

The man gave him a smirk and wrapped his arms around Carl’s shoulder, navigating him towards the bar, and Carl didn’t even feel unsafe in that tight embrace of a total stranger that was about to lead him to the next of his people.

“That’s true, kid. I’m Negan and I will definitely not be an asshole towards you.”

* * *

 

The inside of the bar was reeking of alcohol and smoke, but it was the thing Carl had expected. Actually, he had been inside this thing once, back when he had first moved here but he had left relatively quickly again before he could get a drink or anything. It had been just to check this place, to still his curiosity a bit. But it had caused him to develop an interest rather than letting it go.

Negan, as the man had introduced himself, navigated him towards the bar and offered him the only free seat like a gentleman, leaning on the counter himself. He ordered two beers from a man with a long beard who gave Carl a curious look but didn’t say a thing to him. He preferred to keep his eyes on Negan when he put two bottles on the counter.

“Your bike’s okay? Jimmy told me you beat some kid up.”

“Yeah, she’s good. Just some stupid college kid.” Negan grabbed both bottles and handed one of them to Carl before he took a swig. He was leaning back on the counter and Carl admired how the worn leather jacket tightened when he leaned forward. “Nah, not _this_ college kid,” he clarified with a nod towards Carl.

Carl snapped out of his thoughts when he felt two pairs of eyes resting on him and he eyed the barkeeper suspiciously but didn’t say anything. He was more of an observer anyway and there was so much to observe here. He could have stayed hours.

“It was the asshat of boyfriend of this college kid here. Thought I’d be better company than he was.”

The bartender nodded at that and chuckled. Carl couldn’t quite place that chuckle but he thought it was no sign that he was in trouble or anything, so he let it go.

“Guess you are.”

The bearded man gave them both a nod before heading to other people ordering stuff and Carl sipped his beer, looking around but in the end settling for watching Negan. He couldn’t believe he had ended up here, but he wouldn’t complain.

“So…eh…”

“Carl.”

“So, Carl. You gotta tell me what makes a kid like you come here. You don’t look like the tough guy wanting to get in trouble with bikers, nor did that loser. But here you are, drinking beer with me. You gotta tell me why you haven’t run. Hell, if I was you I would probably run off as fast as I could. ‘specially when my boyfriend got a broken nose.”

Carl took another sip from his beer before he answered, not seeing the need to rush things.

“Actually, I have to thank you for that. I hadn’t bothered to do it myself, so it was nice of you breaking something in his face. He had it coming anyway.”

Negan laughed at that and gave him a shit-eating grin which Carl decided he liked. There was a hint of his tongue poking out between his teeth and Carl shuddered a bit, not quite understanding his reaction. Yes, this man was handsome, and he emitted power – which he liked – but he was definitely not the type he went for normally.

“You haven’t bothered? Can’t imagine you beating someone up. Not wanting to be rude here, though you don’t look like the strong kind of guy.”

Carl raised an eyebrow at him. He knew he didn’t look like it, but he definitely knew how to protect himself when he just bothered enough to do so. His dad had made sure he knew all the moves he needed before he had left home. He had even taught him to shoot, though Carl had convinced him that he would _definitely_ _not_ take a gun with him. It had been one of the biggest arguments they had had till this day.

“You don’t believe me?” Carl asked with a raised eyebrow but kept drinking his beer anyway. It wasn’t as if he was angry at Negan’s reaction. He knew people never assumed him to be capable of fighting. Especially not when there were still marks on his face that proved he hadn’t fought back in the past.

“I wouldn’t know why your face looks like it does if you _could_ beat people up.”

Right, exactly what he had though. Carl shrugged again.

“I just didn’t care.”

“You didn’t care and let a guy take his frustration out on you? Now you gotta explain that shit to me. I’m all ears.” Negan was propping his head onto his hand and took another drag of his beer. Carl still couldn’t shake the feeling that he looked adorable to look at him all interested. Almost like a dog eager to take everything he would offer, whether it was treats or belly rubs.

“It wasn’t worth the trouble. Every time he would hit me, he would buy me presents the next day. Expensive gifts I could sell. You know tuition fees are freaking high, right?”

Negan shook his head in disbelieve but his grin didn’t leave his face for even a second. Carl couldn’t shake the feeling that he had gotten the man interested in him somehow. And he wasn’t quite sure whether that was a good thing or not. But somehow, he liked that feeling.

“So you let people beat you up for money. Is that it?”

“Only if the gain is greater than the loss. In case you are looking for a punch bag.” Carl cast him a grin, not quite sure why. He didn’t want to offer himself like that, and he would definitely not do it again – not consciously. But with Ron that thing had somehow started and it had turned out to work for Carl.

“Kid, you’re unbelievable. Never heard such a fucked-up story. And I heard my fair share.”

Another shrug.

“Guess I have to look for a part-time job now. After what you pulled on him I am sure he doesn’t want to see me again.”

Negan pressed in closer and leaned down a bit. He was so close, Carl could smell him. Beer, faint smell of cigarettes, leather and... mint?

“Fuck, I wouldn’t let you go back to that asshole. No one’s beating up a pretty one like you. You hear me?” Carl eyed him in confusion. He wasn’t quite sure what to make out of this. “That guy’s ever getting close to you again? Make sure to give me a call and I will gladly break his nose again. Or his arm. Or whatever part you want me to. Okay?”

Carl wasn’t sure what he had done to earn such an offer, but it made him warm in a wicked way.

“Sure,” was all he answered with a probably inappropriate smile, and Negan straightened his back again.

“Good. Gimme your phone so I can give you my number.”

Carl was genuinely surprised to hear that, having thought that had been nothing more than a stupid joke, but when Negan held his hand out, he reached for his phone and handed it him. A few seconds later he had a number in his phone, saved under the name of Negan, with a motorcycle emoticon next to it. Carl raised an eyebrow at him, but Negan only laughed.

“C’mon, lemme buy you another beer and I will give you a ride back home, huh?”

Carl knew his dad would disown him if he knew he was seated in a biker bar, and he also knew he would kill him if he agreed, but his dad was so damn far away, and he hadn’t had found out shit when they had been living under the same roof, so there was nothing to fear, right?

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to message me about errors of any kind. >_____< This thing's not yet beta read, so...


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shut up or I will shut you up. I warn you, Carl. Don’t test me.”
> 
> “All you can do is this, right? Whenever something’s not the way you want it to be, you pull this shit. Aren’t you tired of that?”
> 
> “Carl… I swear-“

That Negan guy had really given him a ride home and despite never having ridden a bike before, Carl hadn’t hesitated for a second. Maybe he should have, given the fact that Negan had had two beers in his presence and probably a few before… but he was young and maybe a little stupid and it had turned out to be the greatest thing, so who really cared?

When Carl was lying in bed that evening, all he could think of was that amazing feeling of flying over the streets, a cool breeze blowing through his hair and the warm leather jacket pressed against his body. Only then, thinking about the adventurous afternoon, he realized what a sweet move it had been of Negan giving him his jacket and scarf, so he wouldn’t get cold.

Carl didn’t get him, really, but that didn’t make it any less nice having been treated this nicely. He hadn’t even cared about the other college kids looking dumbfounded at him when he had climbed off the bike and Negan had waved him goodbye. It wasn’t like he cared that much about what others thought, it had just been easier to be a nobody, no one particular interesting or remarkable – apart from his boyfriend maybe. Ron was well-known and therefore Carl in a way, too.

He sighed but got up from his bed to do some late-night studying before finally calling it a night.

* * *

The next morning started with a coffee he got from the small coffee shop on campus and – like every morning – Ron was there, hanging out with his douchebag friends. The moment he saw Carl waiting for his chocolate macchiato, he walked over. As it seemed it didn’t help to act as if Carl hadn’t seen him.

Ron leaned on the counter and into his view and Carl raised his gaze to see the dark bruise in the middle of his face. There wasn’t any hint of his nose actually being broken and Carl caught himself feeling disappointed at that.

“That was some damn stupid move you pulled yesterday. You wanted to impress that biker loon?”

Carl grabbed the cup that was placed in front of him and thanked the barrister before adding a lot of sugar and stirring it.

“At least I wasn’t the one running away with a bleeding nose. Is it broken?” Carl faked a worried tone and leaned towards his boyfriend to inspect his bruise more closely.

“Yeah, you were the one insulting me and staying behind with that retard. And no, it’s not. That idiot punches like a girl.”

Carl took his cup and took a sip, looking over to Ron’s equally dumb friends before moving his attention back to him.

“I’m sure he does,” was all he replied while rolling his eyes. Of course Ron had to act as if he was the great guy and no one else was capable of anything. Carl wondered what he had told his friends why he looked the way he did. Most likely some lie. “I gotta go. Would be good for you to attend any of your classes, too. Might help with the next argument.”

Carl turned around and was about to leave the coffee shop when he was pulled back, a tight grip on his wrist. It was only thanks to his reflexes that he hadn’t spilled any of his hot beverage but had balanced it in time.

“What do you want, Ron?” he asked resentfully and glared at him.

“I’ll get you for lunch when you’re finished with your classes, alright?”

“Whatever.”

Carl didn’t really want to have lunch with him, but he also didn’t want to be late for his lecture because of this jerk. So he had settled for the easiest, less troublesome way.

The lecture was mostly boring, and Carl wondered why he had bothered to actually read the book their professor had recommended them. With the knowledge he had gained through it, everything the man down there was saying seemed dull and uninteresting, so he made a mental not to not do it again. When his macchiato was empty, and he had no way left to distract him he pulled out his mobile and ended up looking at the new number in it. He was wondering whether Negan had really given him his number or if it was a fake one. He decided – after staring at it for five solid minutes – to text him to find out whether it was his number or not.

He settled for a plain ‘ _Thank you for yesterday_.’. It was casual enough, right?

Carl felt dumb when he was staring at the display, hoping to get a reply, not even knowing why. It was still early and maybe Negan was asleep. Or drunk. Or both. Probably doing some shady business somewhere or – which wasn’t that unlikely – he had fooled him and the talk about the whole ‘give me a call if you need me’ had been bullshit and he had just been some college kid Negan could prank.

He tossed his phone back in his backpack, put his hair in a ponytail and tried to follow the lecture for the rest of it, even taking notes to distract himself from grabbing his phone once more.

What followed the dull lecture was a rather interesting seminar and then the unavoidable. When he left the room, Ron was already waiting for him and Carl just couldn’t wrap his head around how he could not get that he was avoiding him, and that he didn’t like him all that much. Carl couldn’t even say if he had liked him in the beginning. Ron had been sweet, and he had found him attractive in a way. But that was when he had been new here, when _everything_ had seemed new and interesting, and one of the popular kids taking an interest in him had been so thrilling. It had gotten dull too soon though.

“Where are your friends? Normally you go nowhere without your little fanclub,” Carl asked in a mocking tone, but Ron seemed to be used to it by now and didn’t react all that much. Or he didn’t get Carl’s taunt, which was also not unlikely.

“Can’t I have lunch with my _girlfriend_ alone?”

Carl didn’t say anything to it. He knew that Ron knew how much he hated it when he referred to him as his girlfriend. He used to tease him about his feminine face and his long hair. Always telling him he would have been such a cute girl. For Carl the problem wasn’t even being called a girl but rather the degradation Ron wanted to achieve with it. Carl knew exactly how he thought about most girls and how he talked about them and therefore he _knew_ what he tried to accomplish with his mockery. He wanted to downgrade him with it. And that was something Carl wasn’t okay with.

Ron settled for telling Carl some stuff he wasn’t interested in to hear on their way, but he also didn’t want to change the topic to anything that could intellectually overstrain Ron’s mental capacity. He didn’t pay much attention to what he was being told, but he thought it had something to do with sport. Or cars. Maybe both.

Only somewhere half-through their food Ron eyed him in a way that told Carl he had forgotten to react to maintain the illusion of interest.

“Why are you never listening to what I tell you?”

Carl knew from his tone that Ron was angry, but he shrugged and intended to play it off.

“I was just thinking about something. It’s not like I _never_ listen. I just haven’t for the last minute.”

Carl took a sip from his coke and contemplated whether he should continue to act as if he cared or if he should drop it. He was sick of it anyway.

“Yeah? Or didn’t you want to hear the truth about those biker fuckers?”

Suddenly Carl knew why Ron sounded as pissed. He had ranted about Negan again and that explained everything, especially when Carl had missed to agree with him on that topic.

“And what truth would that be?”

“That they are all retarded jerks that-“

It didn’t happen often that Ron was interrupted, but when Carl’s phone vibrated, and the window of his messenger popped up, his whole attention went to it. Carl had put his phone on the table earlier, a habit of his, and maybe today he shouldn’t have done that. He knew Ron was a jealous guy and he also knew he was reading his texts whenever he had the possibility. Not that Carl got all that much to hide. He had never cheated on him and he wasn’t planning to. But Ron would never believe him and so it was no surprise that he snatched the phone before Carl could reach for it.

“Who’s Negan?”

Carl put his fork down and sighed at that, holding his hand out to demand his phone back.

“Give it back, Ron.” He felt like back in kindergarten, and he was so sick of it. Maybe he should really break up with him to finally end this fiasco. It was long due. No matter how many presents he gave him, this whole thing started to annoy the hell out of Carl. It wasn’t tolerable anymore, not the slightest, and it only seemed to get worse the longer their relationship went on.

“Is it that guy from yesterday? What did you thank him for?”

Carl wondered how in hell Ron was so quick to figure it was him, but then he remembered the emoticon Negan had added and suddenly that part made sense. Maybe Ron was a tiny bit smarter than he gave him credit for.

“He brought me home after you had left.” There was no reason to keep that part a secret. “Would you give me my phone back now?” Carl extended his hand once more and he would have been afraid of the glare Ron was giving him in that moment if he wasn’t as used to it.

“He brought you _home_?”

“Yes, and now give me my damn phone or I swear this time your nose will be broken.”

Ron’s reaction was a wide grin and a stupid-ass laugh, so Carl just got up, caught his backpack, and snatched his phone out of Ron’s hand. He wouldn’t let him laugh at him like that.

“You know what? I’m done with your shit, and especially with you. Fuck off and don’t bother me again. It’s over.”

With that Carl just took off, not even bothering to finish his lunch or to take the tray with him. He hadn’t bothered to use a loud voice or anything that would have given away any emotion he felt towards him because there simply were none existent. Not really, anyway. Ron had it coming, and Carl was sure he would find another guy or girl in less than a week.

That was also one of the reasons why Carl hadn’t expected Ron would follow him. Since they had started this whole thing, they had more or less argued constantly – apart from the times Carl had refrained from commenting on stuff just so he wouldn’t have to deal with this crap. But he just couldn’t understand why Ron would try _so hard_ to keep him around. Probably to feel better about himself every time he dissed Carl. But then again Carl was sure Ron would find another one to it that with.

“I said _wait_ , Carl.”

He hadn’t even heard him saying it the first time, but even if he had, he would have continued walking anyway.

“Leave me alone. I mean it.”

By now they had exited the building and when Ron was shouting at him, Carl came to a halt and turned around causing the other boy to stop too.

“What do you want? I said leave me alone. I am done with you and your bullshit, Ron.”

Ron only looked at him in his sour way but didn’t say a thing. Carl could only imagine he was too dumb to find the right words then, so he turned again and walked towards his dorm. On his way Ron wouldn’t stop following him, and when he unlocked his room’s door, he had already known Ron would press in before he could close it.

“Why the hell are you reacting like that? What’s wrong with you, Carl? I’ve been trying to be nice to you – despite your shitty attitude – and all you do is flee from me? Really?”

“If you haven’t noticed, I have told you it’s over.”

Carl was looking at him like he couldn’t understand how Ron did not get that part. It wasn’t such a complex concept to end a relationship, though he was sure none of Ron’s relationships had ended it before. Maybe it was a complex concept for him after all. Still, from all the things Carl had anticipated as a reaction, what followed hadn’t been one of them. Stupid, because it was the one thing Ron always tended to do when he didn’t know what to say or how to react properly.

Carl was roughly shoved against a wall and he could only glare at Ron. He was so close to make the world a better place by preventing Ron from ever having kids, and all he had to do for that was shoving his knee right between his legs with as much force as he could will his body to use. Though his chance passed when Ron came dangerously close. Despite the danger the boy looming over him meant, all Carl could feel was his mouth twitch.

“What? You want to hit me now? Because I broke up with you? Very mature.”

“Shut up or I will shut you up. I warn you, Carl. Don’t test me.”

“All you can do is this, right? Whenever something’s not the way you want it to be, you pull this shit. Aren’t you tired of that?”

“Carl… I swear-“

“What? You wanna give me another black eye? Sure, just go ahead. I’m done with you anyway. Now fuck off and get out of my room or I swear you will regret it.”

Ron only laughed at that and grabbed Carl’s face, squeezing it hard until his cheeks hurt from the pressure. He hated the fact that Ron was larger than him and that he worked out and Carl didn’t. All he lacked in intellect, he definitely got as muscle mass. Carl was sure he could still beat him, but not when it came to a one-on-one fight. He could beat him up when he had some kind of advantage like a surprise attack, but not like this. Maybe he should have thought about that earlier, before he had pissed him off. Or maybe it would just lead to another split lip and some present the next day. It wouldn’t be the worst outcome, actually.

“The only one regretting a thing will be you if you don’t stop that, Grimes. I’ve been nice to you, and you insult me like that. How about you calm down now and apologize?”

Carl thought about that. He also thought about trying to get his hand out of his face, only now noticing his own hands were still uselessly hanging at his sides. He really hadn’t bothered to do anything to prevent Ron from getting physical, huh? He wondered whether he just didn’t care about his physical wellbeing, was too used to the way he had acted the past year, or if he actually _wanted_ him to hit him. That was an interesting thought but Carl was relatively sure that wasn’t the case.

“Take your hand out of my face and I will think about it.”

That had clearly been the wrong thing to say because Carl felt a slap on the left side of his face and he felt copper in his mouth. Great. He reached for his face to brush some strands of hair out of it and looked at Ron.

“It’s out of your face now.” Ron said innocently, and Carl thought about what the best move would be now. Maybe he should get into a real fight with Ron despite his inferiority. Maybe that would make him feel better, relieving some stress like he had never done before.

“Whatever.” Carl rubbed at his face and wiped a few droplets of blood from his upper lip. “Are you done now?”

Ron let out a loud sigh and ran his hand through his hair, suddenly uncomfortable.

“You know what? You can think about this and we will talk about it tomorrow, okay?”

In a way, Carl felt as if he had won because he knew that expression. No matter how violent Ron could get, he didn’t really like it all that much – or that was what Carl suspected. Carl knew Ron was somehow afraid of his own doing and maybe that was one of the reasons Carl enjoyed provoking him from time to time. Because he knew how much Ron didn’t like that side of himself and he had a vile satisfaction in hurting him that way.

Carl already knew what it meant if he wanted to talk about it the next day. It meant an apology. Sure, succeeding in breaking up with him would have been the better thing, but it Ron didn’t seem to be willing to let Carl end it, he could still get his advantage out of it for a little longer until he would convince Ron that going their separate ways would be better for both of them.

“Tomorrow evening. I’m busy during the day.”

Ron only nodded at that and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for no Negan in this, but the next chapter will have a lot of Carl and Negan moments. °^°


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fuck, kid. Is there anything you care about?” 
> 
> “I guess?”
> 
> “And what would that be?”
> 
> “I care about sitting in this shady bar again, having a beer with you.”

Carl was staring in the mirror for a few minutes before he got a washcloth to clean his bruised lip up. He was lucky it had stopped bleeding already, but there was already a swelling forming. He made a mental note to get some ice for it later.

He sighed and removed the hair tie. He hated how indifferent he felt about the bruises Ron gave him and sometimes he even thought that was the thing that drove the other boy mad – that Carl just didn’t care. He didn’t care when he was nice – which now seldom happened, but it did from time to time – and he didn’t care when he hit him. He just didn’t care in general, not when Ron was concerned. If it had been Carl’s decision, they had broken up months ago, but somehow he had stuck around out of some twisted impulse. He told himself it was because of the presents and because it was easier to stick around. But Carl knew that it wasn’t true, that it wasn’t easier at all.

When he went back to his room he grabbed his phone, already having forgotten that Negan had texted him back and that it had been the trigger for the shit that had happened.

_Anytime. Call me when you need another ride. :-)_

Carl smiled at that stupid smiley he hadn’t seen in ages – Who added a nose to a smiley? - but regretted it immediately when his lip broke open again. He cursed and put his sleeve against the wound to stop the bleeding. It wasn’t that much, but he hated the taste of blood. Ironic considering how often he had tasted it and how often he still did.

He laid down on his bed and thought about whether he should answer or not. He wanted to but there was nothing he could write that wouldn’t sound as if he was desperate for attention. Except maybe if he’d sass him a bit.

_Don’t have better things to do than giving college kids rides?_

He was surprised when it didn’t even take a minute for Negan to answer.

_Plenty. But not when it’s a pretty one like you. ;-)_

Carl couldn’t shake the feeling this man was playing games and actually making fun of him, but it was still something nice to hear even if it might have been a joke.

_How bout you buy me a beer instead?_

He was almost sure Negan wouldn’t answer to that or would find some reason to change the topic, so Carl grabbed a book from his nightstand and began reading. He was a few pages into the newest book of his favorite author when his phone buzzed again. He raised and eyebrow at the text.

_Sure be there in 10_

Actually, it had been more of a stupid dare and _that_ was definitely not the answer he had expected. His finger was hovering over his phone until he managed to type his reply.

_Wow, that was a joke._

_No it wasn’t. Still am there in 10. Better not make me wait._

Carl was really baffled but got up anyway. He was more than eager to let the man wait despite his warning, but something pushed him to not do it. Was he excited? He really shouldn’t be, but the thought of Negan waiting for him in front of his dorm was a tempting one. It was appealing in a dangerous way, like playing with fire was, like provoking Ron was. No, actually this was much more tempting than anything Ron could ever do or cause.

He changed into a new flannel because the old one had droplets of blood on it before he brushed his hair, grabbed his phone, and left his room.

Negan was actually already waiting, and he was drawing not exactly little attention. When Carl emerged from his dorm he saw people talking and he couldn’t keep himself from grinning, despite the stinging pain his lip caused him. To hell with that thing.

When he came closer, Negan threw his half-smoked cigarette to the ground and smirked at him.

“Thought you’d ditch me. Not many would dare to.”

Carl came to a halt in front of the beautiful bike and frowned at the suddenly disappearing grin of Negan. Had he done something wrong?

“What’s that? Was it that loser again?”

His heart was jumping at his words and the thread lingering underneath them, though Carl wasn’t quite sure why. Sure, Ron would deserve it to get beaten up, but it wasn’t that part that made him nervous in an exciting kind of way. Maybe it was the upsetting tone that did it, the fact that something like that upset a mere stranger. Not even Carl’s friends had really bothered to ask about his bruises. But to be fair they had asked, and he had told them it was nothing serious. Also, technically they were more acquaintances than friends. Only Beth had bothered to tell him it wasn’t okay that Ron was doing this, but Carl suspected Ron had threatened her in any way because it had been months since they last spoke. She was definitely avoiding him for whatever reason.

“Hey, I asked you something.”

Carl snapped out of his thoughts. Negan’s words were soft now and he was looking at him almost worriedly.

“It’s nothing. What about the beer?”

Negan frowned but handed him a helmet. By now even more people had stopped to look at them and started whispering. Carl couldn’t care less. He even hoped some of Ron’s stupid friends were there to tell him.

“Here, take my jacket.”

The older man shrugged out of said jacket with the wings attached to it and gave it Carl before starting the roaring engine. Carl put it on before climbing behind Negan, holding on to him like he had done yesterday. He couldn’t wait to feel that addicting freedom again. It made him forget the shitty college life he didn’t like as much as he had thought he would when he first started. It made him also forget the shitty relationship he had that he actually didn’t want anymore.

The ride to the bar from yesterday wasn’t that long but nice, and Carl was looking forward to having a beer – though he didn’t like beer all that much, actually – with Negan. He just found his company enjoyable, exciting even, and sweet. At least that was what it had felt like yesterday and he really hoped it would be the same today. It was weird to feel like that towards a stranger, wasn’t it? Maybe it was just because Negan was the first person – apart from Ron - he had hung out with in the last couple of months.

Carl was eyed upon entering but as soon as the men and women in the bar saw Negan following him, offering him a seat, they seemed to relax. They greeted the older man and Negan grinned and nodded at them in return. Carl felt safe in a way he couldn’t describe. Maybe because it was like he was in the den of some wolves and he felt like he was accepted there – no matter because of what reason. And if not accepted then at least tolerated.

“Be right back.”

Negan left him sitting in a corner in the back where it was relatively quiet. The chair he settled on was old but somewhat comfortable, and Carl liked the fact he could overview the whole bar from there. By now no one was paying any attention to him anymore. Only a few moments later a bottle of beer was held out for him and Carl took it with an appreciating nod.

“Also brought you some ice for your lip.”

Carl smiled at that and grabbed an ice cube from a plate to press it against his swollen lip. He shivered upon the cold sensation but the longer he was holding it there, the more the pain gave way to a sweet numbness.

“So, you wanna tell me how you got that?” Negan asked after taking a big gulp from his beer, seated across from him. His toned arms were propped on his knees and he was leaning forwards, pointing at his lip with the index finger of the hand he was holding the bottle in.

“Nah, not really.”

Negan didn’t say anything to that just eyed Carl as if he was thinking about whether he should keep pressing or not.

“C’mon, it’s not that bad. We got in an argument.”

“What was it about?”

Carl hesitated for a second and plopped the remains of the mostly melted cube in his mouth, sucking at it until it melted completely.

“Actually…you.”

Negan’s brows were raised up so far that Carl was afraid they would slip right off his face.

“Okay, I’m gonna rip off that ridiculous head of this fucker.”

Carl was no less surprised by that protectiveness then he had been yesterday. He really didn’t get what made Negan so angry about it or why he even cared, but it made the whole thing only more impressive and sacred.

“Though that is very sweet, I’d rather you wouldn’t.”

“So you can get your lil’ presents? You think it’s worth that shit once he bashes your head in for real?”

Negan was eying him thoroughly and Carl felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. He had never _really_ thought about it that way. He was somewhat sure Ron would never lose his countenance like that. Of course, that thought had appeared when things had gotten heated, but he had never let it sink it, had never let it get to him like Negan’s words got to him right now.

“He won’t do that.”

“Right, ‘cause I ain’t fuckin’ let him.”

They fell silent after that and Carl awkwardly started to peel off the label on his beer bottle. Negan sighed and rubbed his eyes, finally breaking the quietness.

“How’d you end up with that fucker anyway?”

Negan looked so honestly interested, Carl thought he could tell him the most boring story and he would still listen to it like it was the biggest secret he had always wanted disclosed.

“It was during my first week in college. We met at some party and he took an interest in me. Said I looked lost and that I was too pretty to spend the evening alone.” Carl took a sip of his beer and shrugged – by now his signature move. “I didn’t really care, and he was nice to talk to. He got me drinks, asked me stuff. After the party he started treating me like the most precious thing, invited me for movie nights, dinner... We started dating, eventually became and item, and somewhere on the way things went to shit. Guess I didn’t care enough to notice in time.”

“Fuck, kid. Is there anything you care about?” It didn’t sound like he wanted to reproach him, rather like a genuine question.

“I guess?”

“And what would that be?”

“I care about sitting in this shady bar again, having a beer with you.”

Negan’s tongue perked out between his teeth before he finished his bottle and put it down on the small table between them. He was giving him a sleazy grin.

“Bet you do. You also care about having another ride?”

“Hm… let me think about that.” Carl took his time to finish his beer as well, faking contemplating about whether he was up for it or not. He kept Negan waiting on purpose, but the man probably already knew what game Carl was playing here.

“Okay, quit that actin’. I know you do.”

It didn’t need more than that for both of them to rise and leave. Negan greeted a few grumpy looking people on their way out and Carl watched them from a distance. They didn’t really care about him and there was this feeling of a twisted kind of safety again. Only one man eyed him longer than the rest through greasy strands of hair hanging in his face. Carl didn’t know how to react except not letting him be stared down. He shivered upon the piercing look, especially when he noticed the man eying the leather jacket of Negan he was still wearing. He didn’t seem to approve that though he didn’t say a thing. It was the other, more dangerous-looking man next to him, that was exchanging words with Negan.

“Yeah, I’ll be back tonight,” Carl heard Negan tell them before he opened the door and held it for Carl. Carl didn’t look back.

They hit the road shortly after. Negan didn’t demand his jacket or his scarf back and Carl was wondering whether he should offer giving both to him. But as soon as they were on their way he didn’t have any chance to do so.

Carl had no idea where they were going, but he caught himself not caring about it anyway. Negan could have taken him anywhere and he would have been absolutely content with it. It just wasn’t important where they were heading, only that they were on their way to somewhere. He only cared about this indescribable feeling that was so much more intense than most things he had felt since he had come here. It was thrilling to not know where he would end up and he felt free and alive having his arms around Negan’s middle, feeling the air caressing his body and the sound of the engine lulling him in. He knew they were probably going faster than they should, but it felt amazing knowing he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to. He liked the kick that came with it.

Negan was nice, spending time with him was nice, though there was a voice in the back of his head – probably his dad’s – telling him to stay away as long as he could. That there was no good reason for someone like Negan to hang out with him like this. That there _had_ to be a catch.

The ride felt longer than it most likely was, and when they came to a halt Carl noticed Negan had brought them to a pretty remote place from where they could see the sun slowly beginning to set, the city in some distance. Carl was speechless as he removed the helmet and climbed off the bike. He’d never really been this far out of town, in such a secluded but amazingly beautiful place. He turned back to Negan.

“You brought me here to murder me without people around?”

Carl couldn’t keep himself from grinning, though this time being careful to not open his wound again.

“Would you like that?” Negan asked in return, parking his bike and leaning against it.

“It would be somewhat exciting.”

“You really are a lil’ sick in the head, huh? Anyone ever told you that?”

The only answer Carl gave him was a sly grin. No one had, but he knew he probably was and he liked the way Negan casually pointed that out. It felt like the man knew him in a way no one else had bothered to so far.

They both settled for watching the sun disappearing behind a group of trees in silence. Negan lit a cigarette while Carl settled on the ground.

“I come here when I’m thinking. It’s quiet here.” Negan blew out some smoke. “I like that.”

That baffled Carl, but he nodded. He wouldn’t have expected such a confession from someone like Negan, but he also had to remind himself that he didn’t know Negan. He leaned back and instantly loved the feeling of the dry grass between his fingers. He really couldn’t remember the last time he had consciously felt that. It must have been back home during one of those summers filled with boringness but also the calmness and freedom before college had started; those days he had spent hiding somewhere in the woods or fields, enjoying the sheer endless days of summer, listening to the sounds one could only hear during a hot, dry summer.

“Why don’t you break up with that kid?”

Carl didn’t want to talk about this thing any more. He felt like it showed him how little he was in charge when it came to Ron. Sure, he always told himself he wasn’t, that he could leave him any time, but he knew the truth, even if he had buried it deep inside, careful not to let it come to the surface.

He only shrugged and continued to stare into the disappearing sun that painted the sky red. His eyes hurt from it, but he didn’t want to let his gaze stray from it, too afraid that he wouldn’t have anything to concentrate on then.

“It’s not as if I haven’t tried,” he admitted after a small silence between them. Carl had lifted his legs and started to hug them, letting his chin rest on his knees. “I tried today. He doesn’t listen. He only hears what he wants to hear.”

He heard the dry grass behind him telling Negan was moving and when he moved his head he saw him taking a seat next to him, finishing his smoke.

“Hell, kid. If you want to leave him and he doesn’t let you, that’s fuckin’ sick. I hope you know as much.”

Carl managed a nod. He knew that, he was just so used to it. He had tried - even before Ron - but it had never worked so he had accepted it, had chosen the – supposedly – easier way. But he was stuck again, and he detested this feeling. He didn’t want to feel helpless, he didn’t want to act as if it was okay for him to let Ron treat him the way he did for stupid-ass presents.

“I’m waiting for him to find someone else, so he will just leave me alone,” he admitted and knew – even without seeing Negan’s frown – that it was the stupidest idea ever. It would never work. Not as fast as he needed it to work. And that thought filled his eyes with tears. He turned his head again towards the sun that was barely perking over the horizon now. It was getting colder, but the summer air was still somewhat warm. Warm enough to keep sitting here at least. Carl felt some tears rolling down his cheek and he wiped them away with his hand, not wanting to appear like a stupid teen crying over stupid stuff. He still didn’t understand why Negan even cared, but he didn’t want to make him regret being here with him. He sure as hell had better things to do than taking care of crying kids.

“Kid…” Negan’s voice was soft and so deep, it was barely more than a low vibration and then there was also a heavy arm wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him towards the man. It wasn’t an unpleasant touch, and Carl noticed that Negan seemed to pull him as slowly and softly as possible, so he could always choose to refuse the touch. But he didn’t. He leaned into it and allowed himself to rest his head against his shoulder. Negan let his own head rest against the soft brown locks of Carl and his hand gently rubbed his upper arm.

“You shouldn’t have to wait for that. You can break up whenever _you_ want to. And if he won’t let you, I will beat the shit out of him. If you feel ready, call me. Pick a public space, tell him to come there, and if that brat will cause you trouble, I’ll be there to cause _him_ trouble.”

Carl could feel Negan smiling at that, he felt his arm pulling him even close and it was the safest he had felt in years. Which was ironic since he had met him only yesterday and Negan was everything his dad had ever warned him about. It was also ironic since Ron was everything he had never warned him about. A supposedly nice kid that had a nice family, and still it was him that caused him all this trouble and hurt.

“Why would you do that? I just… I don’t understand why you are even trying to be nice to me. You pity me or some shit?” Carl hadn’t intended to sound this mean and bitter, and he was relieved when Negan didn’t take it personal but kept him in his tight embrace.

“Hell, I would never pity you. You are fuckin’ badass for enduring this shit. Maybe you remind me of someone, maybe I just liked you at first sight.” Negan shrugged before adjusting his head against Carl’s head. “But you need someone right now and I am here, so why shouldn’t I be the one helping you out with it?”

Carl sighed deeply. He couldn’t name the feeling he felt in that moment, but he felt warm in a way. It was like those times he had talked to Beth. It was like those times when he had had friends, which seemed too long ago to be real. He knew he shouldn’t already think of Negan as a friend, but he desperately wanted to. He had missed having people around, having people understand him. It was nice.

“Thank you.” It was barely more than a tiny whisper and Carl inhaled the intriguing scent of Negan, enjoyed the warmth coming from his body. He never wanted to leave this place, feeling like it was something special for Negan and therefore something special to have it shared with.

“Any time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Finally another chapter. I know it is rather short, but I am trying to work on actually finishing stories and it is so much easier with shorter chapters. Because - believe it or not - I have _never_ finished a fic. I hope this will be my first one so I can get the hang of it. So, yeah, let me know what you think about this chapter. And are you ready for some drama in the next ones?


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
> 
> “Nah. It’s not your fault. Was years ago anyway.”
> 
> “Sometimes years don’t matter.”
> 
> “No, they don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! God, this chapter was hard to write. Mostly because I wrote another chapter but I realized it was too early to let the thing I had planned happen. So I wrote this one. Hope you'll enjoy!

„You gonna say it or what?”

Negan only got a grunt in return from his best friend sitting across from him, finishing his second beer.

“Need me to?”

Daryl never spoke all that much, but he didn’t have to anyway. They knew each other for forever now, basically grew up together. The only difference between them was that Daryl had been in the club before he had joined. But apart from that they had shared almost everything – the same kind of abusive parents, the same stress at school, the same friends.

“I know what you think and that’s not it.”

“You wanna tellin’ me you haven’t picked that kid ‘cause he looks like her?”

Negan could see Daryl’s raised eyebrow even with all the long strands of hair covering his face. Every time Daryl referred to her his heart got warm, somehow. All because it had been a little hard for Daryl in the beginning to call her that. She would have been so proud, but it was too late now. What a pity. That thought stung but Negan washed it down with a swig of his beer. This always worked best.

“Fuck, no. He just needs someone. What the fuck do I know? A friend maybe. He needs a friend and I am here so where’s the fuckin’ problem?”

“You still feel guilty.”

It wasn’t a question but a statement. Sure, he did. Why should he deny that? No matter how many years had passed, he could never shake that feeling of having failed the one friend, the one more-than-a-friend. One couldn’t stop loving someone, even after their death. Or stop feeling guilty for not having saved them.

“He’s not her,” Daryl told him once more, this time his words sounded a bit softer and his eyes, too.

“Shit. You think I don’t know that?”

Daryl eyed him, and he looked somewhat sorry. Negan knew what had happened weighted him down, too, Maybe he didn’t feel as guilty as he did, but after all she had been a close friend of Daryl as well. Shit, the three of them had gotten through so much together – their violent fathers, their summers running away together until it got too cold to camp in the woods and to hide away, Daryl teaching them how to hunt, their first stolen car, helping Lucille buying her first dress and beating everyone up that would only so much as look at her the wrong way.

At first it was hard, mostly for Daryl, to accept that it wasn’t Negan, Lucian and him against the world but that it was Lucille taking Lucian’s place, helping them to cause as much trouble as possible even after her revelation.

Negan could vividly remember all the fights he and Daryl had gotten into because of people calling Lucille a faggot, an abnormality, and so many other names. That summer when Lucille had gotten her first dress, they had been 14. Negan was a tiny kid compared to other children his age, probably from not getting enough food on some days and starting to smoke and drink too early. He was definitely shorter than everyone he had picked fights with, and he hadn’t only lacked height but also muscles. But that had not even once stopped him from defending one of his best friends, hadn’t stopped him from teaching anyone a lesson that would harass Lucille for who she was.

“Ain’t lookin’ like it.”

Negan frowned at him, definitely still lost in memories.

“If you save some kid, that won’t bring her back.”

Negan let out a loud groan. He knew that, he fucking knew that. He didn’t see another Lucille in Carl. Maybe he had when he first saw him, maybe that was the reason he had taken him to the bar and beaten up that piece of shit he called his boyfriend. That long, silky hair, that small frame. That bruised face… Negan shook his head before he got up and got more alcohol for the two of them. God knew he needed it.

“Would you _please_ fuckin’ stop that?”

Negan handed Daryl a beer before he settled in the worn armchair again. It was loud around them, but they were both good at shutting the chaos out. Just like back then. This was more home than anything.

“He’s not Lucille, I get that. Still, he’s got an asshole of boyfriend and he needs a friend. So, what the fuck is wrong with helpin’ out?”

Negan had his arms resting on the armrests of the chair, gesturing widely while he talked.

“If you saw someone being harassed you don’t look away.”

Daryl only grunted at that and Negan knew he got him with that argument. The redneck didn’t look like the guy to protect people, but Negan knew Daryl. No matter how much of a bother it was sometimes, the moment Daryl saw someone hitting someone without o good reason? He was the first to interrupt. It had always been like that and Daryl’s brother Merle had made fun of him for his soft heart, his principles, too. Compared to Daryl, Negan had a heart made out of stone, only accessible for those he liked. He didn’t know how, but Carl had somehow snuck his way into the small group of people he cared about.

“That’s another thing. You really know what you’re getting yaself into?”

Daryl eyed him through his bangs that were getting longer and longer. Negan only smirked at him. He appreciated him caring, looking out for him, he really did. Negan had always thought he was bad with showing affection but really it was Daryl who was truly terrible at it. Hadn’t he known him for so long, he wouldn’t even have noticed his concern. But he did notice, and he was thankful for it.

“I do. And I’d appreciate you’d finally start to trust me. Carl’s a good kid. And I might need your help to put his stupid boyfriend in his place sooner or later.”

Daryl stared at him, definitely not convinced, but he nodded anyway.

“And stop looking at him like you wanna kill him. I think that time yesterday with Merle? You made him real uncomfortable. And that’s something. Thought Merle would scare the shit outta him, but nah, it was definitely you.”

Negan grinned and watched Daryl mumble something he couldn’t make out but what sounded a lot like a ‘ _whatever’_ which made Negan laugh out loud.

* * *

As it turned out Carl really took Negan’s offer when he texted him a few days later. Negan had refrained from sending him text messages because the last thing he wanted to do was appearing to be controlling him by frequently checking on him, so he had kept himself busy with the club. Until Carl had asked him to be at a diner close to campus, at least.

_[Carl – 12:48 PM]  
Is it really okay? I don’t want to bother you…_

_[Negan – 12:52 PM]  
sokay. I’ll be in the back and the moment he makes a move I’ll take care of him_

_[Carl – 12:53 PM]  
Thanks_

_[Carl – 12:53 PM]  
Really_

Negan was half an hour earlier than Carl wanted him to be there. He didn’t want to let Ron see him because he was secretly hoping that kid would make a move and he had a reason to beat the shit out of him. He knew Carl didn’t want that, wanted as little trouble as possible, but from what he had told him, Ron deserved more than one beating.

Twenty minutes later Negan watched Carl entering the diner with Ron behind him. That fucker wasn’t even holding the door open for him which made Negan furious. If he’d been the one… but no. He wasn’t supposed to be the one. He was Carl’s friend, someone to help him out and nothing more. The kid shouldn’t get from one unhealthy relationship into the next. And if anything, it would be unhealthy. Negan’s lifestyle, the immense age gap… Why was he even thinking about this?

It really didn’t take long for that prick to cause a scene. Whatever his problem was, he obviously had no problem sharing his anger management problems with the outside world. Negan hadn’t been all that different when he had been his age, but at least he had never hit someone the way Ron did. Negan had had his fair share of dubious fights, but never – not even once – had he turned against a lover or someone obviously inferior. Though, he somehow believed that Carl – in theory – knew how to protect himself. Maybe he would check on how capable he really was some time, to make sure he was safe whenever he couldn’t be around.

Negan finished his coffee as soon as Ron’s voice was raised, and he had no doubt he drew the attention of the whole diner to their booth. Whatever Carl had told him, it seemed to make him fume.

“You’re kidding, right?”

He heard the kid basically yell at his hopefully by now ex-boyfriend. Negan couldn’t see Carl, but his voice didn’t seem too confident, almost a little anxious. He hated to hear him like that and wondered whether he had seen his bike outside or not. If he had, he must know there was no reason to be anxious.

“Fuck, Carl, you have any idea what you are throwing away? Who you want to leave? God, I make your shitty life 100% better and you really want to end this?”

By now Ron was laughing and Negan had to admit – though he was far from being afraid of the kid – that he had some sort of psycho vibes that where more than creepy.

“Is it because of that biker motherfucker? What? That’s the reason? God, don’t tell me you let that sicko fuck you.”

That was the moment Negan got up and casually walked other to them. Ron was so close to reach for Carl’s wirst-

“You leave your hands off him, prick.”

His voice was calm, _too_ calm, actually. Negan knew that he tended to get loud, to get rough, to swear a lot. And everyone who knew him for longer than a few days also knew that it was never a good sign when neither of it happened. He was casually leaning against the counter opposite their booth, hands in the pockets of his worn jeans.

Ron was staring at him, then back to Carl, and then raised from his seat, obviously not amused to see Negan here.

“Really? You two are kidding me. You planned this?”

Negan didn’t know who he was addressing, so he didn’t answer. Even if he had been speaking to him, he probably wouldn’t have answered. But when Carl also didn’t answer him, he brought his hands down on the table with a loud thud. Much like a small kid not getting the lollipop it so dearly wanted. Pathetic. It made Negan laugh, though Carl was flinching, not as little intimidated by it as Negan was. Then that weirdo laughed again, salty and unamused.

“Fuck. I knew it. You are really pulling this shit. How long is he fucking you, huh?”

By now all eyes were on the three of them, and even if Negan didn’t care about staring people all that much, it wasn’t hard to see that Carl would have loved to disappear. It made Negan angry. Not only was this prick threatening Carl, he was also causing a scene, making the kid uncomfortable. He hated not being able to do anything.

“How about you just leave him alone, whatever-your-fucking-name-was? He doesn’t want to talk to you any longer.”

Ron was staring at him in disbelieve.

“That’s none of your business.”

And then the one thing happened that Negan had hoped for. The kid came to him, really trying to threaten him as well. He had to give him that he was muscular, probably some jock, but he was still smaller than Negan and by far no threat for him. Negan would have loved to punch him again, he would have done it if it wasn’t for at least ten people watching them. No, this time he would make it right, he would make sure this kid wouldn’t be able to sue him or to get Carl in trouble.

“If you are bothering people, it damn well is my business. I am a very good, honest fellow citizen.”

“Bullshit.”

The kid came even closer, only a few inches between him and Negan.

“If you would be so fuckin’ kind to leave that boy alone and stop causing a scene, I am sure _everyone_ here would be thankful for that.”

Then there was a hit. Negan saw it coming, had wanted it, anyway. There was a gasp filling the eerie silence, and Negan wasn’t sure whether it came from Carl or the cute little waitress that hadn’t dared to interfere.

But it didn’t really matter now, right?

Negan licked some blood from his lip before he grabbed that college idiot and shoved him so hard he landed on the ground. He grabbed him again, this time his collar, and forced him up a bit. Not enough for him to allow a sitting position, but at the same time enough to make it damn uncomfortable. And intimidating.

He leaned down to him.

“Now, that was a huge mistake. But I am damn happy you did it. You hit me. You hit me first, _boy_. Everyone saw, and that means I have the right to hit you back. Self-defense. Easy as that.”

Negan was whispering his words, careful that Ron, and only Ron heard them.

“I will break your nose – this time for real – when you make only one wrong move. When I let you go, you will leave this fucking diner and you will never again speak to Carl, let alone touch him. _Ever_ again.”

He made a pause, relishing the look the boy gave him. He wasn’t entirely obedient, and Negan didn’t like the glare underneath, but for today he would let it slide. He wouldn’t cause another scene to prevent making Carl any more uncomfortable.

“Is that clear?”

For a moment Negan was sure the kid would spit in his face, but he didn’t. Instead he made a disgusted sound but nodded, so Negan removed himself from him. He waited patiently for Ron to get up and leave – which he did. Not without giving Carl a threatening look, but he left and that was all Negan wanted. He kept staring at him until he was far enough away from the diner before he turned to Carl. The kid looked pale and Negan frowned at that, stepping closer and simultaneously asking the waitress for a glass of water.

“You okay?”

Carl snapped out of his thoughts, until now having stared into whatever void in front oh him. His hands were raw from digging his nails in his skin. It took a few seconds until he nodded and started holding his head in his hands. Negan took the seat across from him and thanked the waitress as soon as she set down the glass in the middle of the table. She didn’t look comfortable around him, and he couldn’t blame her. The club had never caused this particular diner any trouble, but people preferred to keep their distance as soon as they saw leather jackets with wings.

“Please tell me that wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever done.”

Negan pushed the glass towards Carl and touched one of his wrists, as cautious as possible because he immediately had to think back to Lucille and how sensitive she had been in situations like these. He wasn’t sure what Carl thought about physical contact right now, so he wanted to be careful. Thoughtful.

“It wasn’t. It was the right thing. Here, drink somethin’.”

Carl looked up and gave him a tiny smile, the tiniest smile that did the biggest thing. Negan felt himself smile back. It felt like he had known Carl for longer than he actually did. But he knew that Daryl had probably been right. It wasn’t Carl he saw. Not entirely, at least. He needed to stop this. Carl was his own person and he deserved to be seen as himself and not as a copy of a long-dead person.

Negan removed his hand, finally, only then noticing how awkward it probably was by now.

“Thank you…” Carl finally said after gulping down half of his water, gripping the glass tightly.

“No problem, kid. You can always call me. Or text. Or come by the bar.”

Carl nodded in an appreciated manner though Negan couldn’t shake the feeling he was uncomfortable, with his thoughts still in the middle of the discussion with Ron, maybe even in a physical fight with him, either one from the past or the future. Negan hated seeing him like that and he had the urge to change his worried expression. Damn. This kid here deserved to be happy, not afraid because some douchebag wanted him to take his anger out on.

“So…how about we get you outta here? Wanna go back to your dorm?”

The face Carl made was enough to make Negan continue offering other possible ways to waste some time until he would be distracted from the shit that had gone on.

“I know something.”

Negan raised and grinned at Carl who apparently was confused but rose, too. Good kid.

“C’mon, it’s a surprise. More or less.”

“You don’t look like the surprise kinda guy,” Carl remarked as he followed him outside.

Negan offered him a helmet and his jacket before he got on his bike, grabbing for his own helmet.

“Ouch. Ever heard the saying ‘ _Don’t judge a book by its cover’_?”

This made Carl laugh what sounded like a genuine laugh and Negan couldn’t do anything but smile at it. That sound was the most perfect sound he had heard in a very long time and it made him excited in a way he couldn’t describe. Of course not, he was bad at expressing himself anyway. But he knew that it was a sound he wanted to hear more often. A damn lot more often.

“C’mon, hop on.”

Carl took a seat behind him and wrapped his arms tightly around his middle. Negan knew it wasn’t supposed to be this way around, but it made him feel safe, somehow. It was just like back then, when everything had still been okay. No. This was different. He decided to start the engine before him not doing anything became too weird.

And he took Carl on a long ride, knowing he liked it. He hadn’t really said it, but the way he had looked after their last tour had told him everything he needed to know. Negan might have taken a longer route than he needed to, only stopping to get some beer and checking on Carl. But as he had thought, the kid enjoyed the whole thing and was already looking better, less pale, and less unhappy with his entire life. It was better than any whiskey or beer Negan had ever had. And normally that was the stuff making him feel really good.

He made sure to take a longer way to the spot he had taken Carl to once before. And he was gifted with a sheepishly grinning Carl. Negan only returned it with a smirk.

“Good surprise?”

“Definitely.”

Carl settled on the ground, though there was a perfectly fine picnic table nearby. It was adorable that he didn’t seem to waste even a single thought to it, and Negan settled next to him, offering a beer which the kid took with a nod. They had arrived in time to see the sunset again, the last rays of sun warming Negan’s arms up again. Riding his bike without his jacket definitely wasn’t something he did often, but it was worth it if it meant keeping Carl warm. Plus, the kid looked amazing in the too-big jacket.

Negan opened his beer and took a sip before he reached for his smokes.

“You smoke too?”

Carl looked at him, only slightly disgusted. It was really, really adorable and Negan had to chuckle at that.

“Guess that’s a no, then.”

“Give me one anyway.”

He raised an eyebrow at Carl but lit a cigarette – being the gentleman he was – and handed it over to him.

“Still stressed, huh?”

“Mhm… a bit.”

“Last time you said you have tried breaking up. What normally happened after?”

Carl made a pause and blew out some smoke before he answered, obviously not too fond to talk about it. Negan wanted to tell him he didn’t need to answer – the last thing he wanted to do was forcing him to anything – but Carl was faster.

“Normally he corners me. Tries to tell me that it’s not what I really want. Like he did earlier. When I try to point out all the reasons it would be better for _both_ of us, he just gets loud or violent. Or both, depending on where we are.”

Negan was watching him while he told him that pattern. It was disgusting. Plainly disgusting.

“Then he apologizes and leaves. Or tries to make up for a punch or a kick or whatever.”

He had to grip his beer very, very hard to not get back on his bike and get that fucker. Hitting your partner was one thing, but kicking? That was even lower than low.

“Don’t look like that.”

Negan hadn’t even noticed Carl had turned towards him, his brows furrowed.

“Hey, I’m not pitying you, if you think that. Nope. Just murdered that asshole in my head, is all.”

He gulped down a good amount of alcohol and kept smoking to calm his homicidal tendencies down. It seemed to be enough to convince Carl, but he didn’t turn his attention back to the disappearing sun but rather kept looking in Negan’s face. It almost seemed like he was searching for something, and Negan would have given him whatever it was if he only knew what.

“I still don’t get it.”

It was Negan who broke eye contact after a small silence, finishing his smoke and groaning.

“Again the whole why I help you thing? God. Does it really matter?”

“Yeah. It does. I want to understand it.”

Negan could understand that, could imagine how weird it must be for Carl to have someone like Negan offering his help out of the blue, spending time with him, being that engaged in the whole fuck-your-boyfriend thing.

“Fuck, kid.”

“Last time you said something like I might remind you of someone. Did you mean that?”

Of course, he had to remember that. That kid was smart.

“Yeah.”

“Who is it?”

“An old friend.”

There was another tiny pause, and Negan hoped Carl would leave it at that. He didn’t need to know. Negan fumbled for another cigarette, lighting it and taking a long drag.

“What happened to him?”

“It’s not a him.”

Negan didn’t want to sound as rude, there was no way Carl could have known, but he was sensitive when it came to Lucille. When people didn’t speak about her but insisted on calling her ‘ _him’_.

“Sorry, I-“

“’s okay. I’m sorry, ‘s just—she’s not around anymore.”

Negan opened another beer but reminded himself that he should go slow. He needed to get Carl back, preferably in one piece and unhurt. He licked his lips, now nothing more than a nervous move.

“You look a bit like her. You have the same hair, same eyes. Someone harassed her a lot, but she always told me she could handle it. But in the end, she couldn’t, and I should have helped her.”

It was so daunting that he was just telling Carl all this. There were many reasons to not tell him. For one he hadn’t talked to anyone about it besides Daryl. Then he didn’t want Carl to think that he was just a doppelganger of Lucille. He could go on with reasons, but he was distracted by a weight against his arm. When he turned his head, he saw Carl leaning against his shoulder, casually so. It was relaxed, and it felt good. Not pushy, more like a reminder that he was there.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Nah. It’s not your fault. Was years ago anyway.”

He tried to sound as if it really wasn’t a big deal. It still was, no matter how hard he tried. But it wasn’t a lie that it had happened years ago, that it was so long ago he shouldn’t be as hurt anymore. He drank more beer to drown this feeling. Like he always did.

So many years and he still was too sensitive about it.

“Sometimes years don’t matter.”

Whatever he had expected the kid to say, this was definitely not it. The way he said it made Negan sad. Because it wasn’t just another phrase; it was something Carl knew, had experienced first-hand. Those words were rich, filled with honesty and compassion. And knowing that hurt. He shouldn’t be able to relate.

“No, they don’t.”

They kept drinking their beers, mostly in silence. Carl asked for another smoke and Negan gave him another one. It was nice. It was so nice to just sit there, next to the kid, feeling him there. They kept sitting there even after the sun had disappeared and there was nothing more than a glow on the horizon.

“You wanna tell me about her?”

Negan was surprised, hadn’t anticipated that question and he thought hard about it. Did he want to?

“She was the prettiest girl. She was kind and loving and had the most adorable smile. She was always positive despite all the shit she had gone through.”

Negan chuckled upon those memories of Lucille laughing with him and Daryl during hot summers.

“She always helped people, even those that had hated her in the beginning. I was always the kind of guy that got into fights with people for their rude behavior. But she always told me that I shouldn’t, that one had to be kind in order to receive kindness in return. She always saw the good. Always.”

Carl rested his head against Negan, carefully listening to him.

“And then one of those pricks I should have beaten up, killed her. With a fucking knife, basically gutting her.”

Those memories hurt. He had buried them so deep inside him but now all he could feel was her warm blood on his hands. He took another sip from his beer, hating the fact that his hands were shaking.

“But even then, she told me to be kind. Such bullshit. She—”

His voice broke and he remained silent from then on, finishing his cigarette with a shaky breath. Why did he tell him all this? What did he expect to happen? He didn’t want to feel this sadness, this immense guilt.

Then there were arms wrapped around him and even though Negan wanted to pull away, he didn’t. He let Carl hug him in silence. Carl didn’t tell him that it wasn’t his fault. He also didn’t tell him he was sorry. And it was the right thing. Negan had heard all those phrases too often, always lacking meaning.

He didn’t know how much time passed like this, but at one point, Carl reached for another beer, handing it to Negan.

“Let’s drink to her.”

Negan eyed him in the dark. He wasn’t sure what to think of it. That kid didn’t even know her. But his proposal sounded true-heartedly, like he really wanted to do it. Not because people did such things, but because… Negan didn’t know why, but that kid seemed to understand more than he would have given him credit for, so he took the beer and drank with him.

To Lucille.


End file.
